I couldn’t believe it. But scholars in Jerusalem have apparently unearthed scrolls showing that the disciples made Jesus up as a joke. That’s right they thought that it might be an amusing little caper that would last a few months before being discovered. Little did they know just how successful the ruse would be.
Archeologists found the scrolls in the ruins of what appears to be a 2000 year old tavern. Most of the scrolls are bawdy Armenian drinking songs like “There’s Nothing Funner Than a Bethlehummer”, and “All I Want This Yuletide Is To Be Laid In a Manger.” But among the scrolls was a brief treatise from a fellow named Petros or Peter.
In the scrolls Peter writes in Greek in about 10 AD.
φίλος μας Μπερτ ήταν πολύ καλός στο να τα κόλπα κόμμα, σαν να γυρίζουμε το νερό σε μπύρα και το περπάτημα στην μπύρα, έτσι μου και τα αγόρια σκέψης θα πρέπει να προσθέσουμε μερικά κόλπα στο ρεπερτόριό του. Έτσι πήραμε φίλος μας ο Λάζαρος να προσποιούνται ότι είναι νεκροί και έχουν Bert «αναβιώσει» του. Από εκεί τα πράγματα μόλις πήρε από το χέρι. Δεν είχαμε ιδέα ότι θα πάει τόσο μακριά. Λυπούμαστε πολύ.
This tranlates to:
‘Me and the boyz are at a wake for our friend Bert who was creamed in a chariot accident last week. He was very good at party tricks, like turning water into beer and walking on beer, so me and the boys thought we should add some tricks to his repertoire. We got our friend Lazarus to pretend to be dead and have Bert ‘revive’ him. From there things just got out of hand. We had no idea it would go this far. We are very sorry’
I for one will not be giving a sermon this Sunday.
I think we’ll serve you with mint sauce and new potatoes down at the pub on Sunday.